- I once spent an entire week with a wine opener and a pack of hot red pepper flakes in my purse.
- I buy my clothes from Old Navy. And I like it.
- I wash my hair the night before and let it air dry because the concept of “effort” scares me.
- Terms like 401K do bad things to my brain.
- I married my husband because he remembers where I put my keys.
- I married my husband because he looks good in most colors.
- I bought a dog and when that became too much of a responsibility I bought another dog.
- And when the dog thing got out of control I had a baby.
- If anyone wants to see me vomit uncontrollably from embarrassment they should ask me to buy condoms.
- I’m still distressed people refuse to play Hanson on the radio and by people I mean Satan.
- I wear a bobby pin to keep the hair out of my face. Again, the effort thing.
- Bras seem…hard.
- If anyone wants to see me dry heave with embarrassment they should ask me what time it is. Clocks seem…hard.
- I feel that “shoes on the right feet” is a concept invented by the same person who invented math and is dictating our airwaves. See #10
- Doing anything by myself often results in: 1) loss of direction 2) jail time
- Sometimes when my daughter calls for me from her bedroom I yell “Carol Anne?? Carol Anne?!?!” Correction: All the time.
- More than one of my stories begins with “Remember that one time I was so drunk I vomited on the side of that car?”
- I’m still not sure why I can’t watch Alf on TV anymore.
- I’m the Pink Power Ranger.
- Skecher Shape Ups are a privilege to wear and anyone who says otherwise can have a personal meeting with my Zord.
- I never hated fanny packs as much as I claimed. I’m wearing one now.
Tell me the reasons why you’re not an adult.
I love this list. Growing up is somewhat overrated and besides, we all do stupid things that no adult could explain nor justify. For example, I found a security key for suite at a Hilton hotel in my wallet about 18 months ago. Unfortunately, I’ve never stayed at the hotel and still have no idea how I came to have it in my possession.
Free room!
I’m 20 and I’m pretty sure I’ll never be a real proper adult. Lovely to know I’m not alone!
Don’t be if you can help it. It looks miserable and involves buying your clothes from places where a saleslady actually tries to help you. Yuck.
Don’t even want to say how old I am and on Sunday morning I wake up and think MY mom should be down in the kitchen making pancakes and pouring juice into little glasses. Then I remember I’m the mom.
That’s always a rough thing to remember isn’t it? Maybe if we stay in bed long enough breakfast will get made…snort!
I’m still not an adult because I have terrible, cheap sheets on my bed. The day I get good sheets is the day I will be a proper grown-up. (Though I thought that the day I got a bathmat would be the day I became a proper adult and I was wrong about that one…)
Okay, a literal LOL on the bathmat comment! You really think a bathmat will change your world. They really took us on that one…
1. I get my Mmm-Bop fix on YouTube. 2. I never hated fanny packs. 3. Since I can’t find clothes I like, I have refused to go shopping while my wardrobe gets smaller and smaller by attrition. 4. When my last outfit is ruined, I will wear a paper bag and a crown.
I love you sister! (in a sisterly way). That is wonderful.
Thank you!
Lots of stuff makes you hurl! Cool!
I’m extremely hurlish.
I’m not an adult because I never answer my mobile phone. Ever. Don’t know why I have it really
I don’t either. I always have it on silent which also begs the question, “What’s the point?”
If it’s important they can ring back. Or text. Or, zoot alors! Call you on a land line! Whoever would have thought of that?
Sorry to be a pedant, but it does not ‘beg’ the question. It raises the question. Begging a question means to avoid the poit by answering another, often unspoken, question.
It’s like I want to like you, but you just can’t let that happen… Weird.
Errrm. What? Your online correspondent, me, or the lamebrains on your phone?
I’m a big boy. I shave now and everything.
You can tell me. cos if you don’t, I need to learn a bit. I take the piss all the time, but my intention is never to offend.
Oh God, not you, the callers! lol And it’s good to know you’re a grown man and not a child. Otherwise they may not let me write this blog anymore…
Phew. That’s a relief. I’ve got enough on my plate just now without adding to my woes and alienating one of my earliest and most assiduous followers
I’m a bit late to the party here, I know, but that’s me all over. I turn up and everyone’s had a good time and gone home. Or the party got cancelled and nobody told me.
Is it just me that finds this, or are there an awful lot of us out there blogging as a way of dealing with mental conditions? I know I write some of my funniest stuff, the things that make people laugh aloud in crowded places, when I’m sleep deprived and in the deep black pit of recurring depression.
Whatever works, I suppose
You’ve pretty much described what this blog is all about to a tee. A sleep deprived cluster fuck of depression. Also, sprinkle a little anxiety on top. Did I mention I got like three hours of sleep last night? Case closed.
Good luck with that. Your site is blocking me out, so there you go, I can’t even check what I said.
Three hours at a stretch is good isn’t it?
Or at least it’s as good as it gets.
Hey. Know what? We’re still breathing. Doctors tell me this is the secret of a long life.
I wish you as peaceful, as calm, a day as you can have. That is not hippy shit. It’s me talking about real life
Well, crap something’s wrong with the site? I shall go try and figure this out. “That is not hippy shit. It’s me talking about real life” And I appreciate real life talk. As long as you don’t mention laundry.
Laundry? Youve read a lot of bollocks on my blog, but nothing about laundry.
You must sort out your blog site. You’re the social marketing maestro. I’m not taking the piss here. It’s a USP. and it ain’t working.
I’m not lecturing, believe me. I’m not. i spent too long in marketing and advertising to lecture.
But it doesn’t look good.
And although we do not ‘know’ each other,I do want you to succeed.